2 years

As I woke up this morning the first thing that came to my mind was wow two years ago our lives changed forever(really before).  Our sweet Calvin was born into glory at 6:57 a.m and all I remember was this sweet boy in my arms. He had the most precious face.  I was a mommy for the first time yet I would be coming home empty handed only with memories of our boy. God was really with me. I would have never made it through this trial without Him. I had tears of joy and sadness that only He could have given me. Of course I had moments of anger but I knew in my heart that God had a better plan for our Calvin even if we did not understand it.

As I sit here writing now I am so thankful for the people that God has put in our life. I have already received texts letting me know that people are praying for us on this difficult day. I am so thankful that people have not forgotten our Calvin.  This is the second year in a row that we have had lots to do on his birthday and at first I was a little down about being busy. I was thinking this is the day I should just sit around and think about Calvin, but the more I thought it is probably better that I'm not doing that. Yes I can grieve the loss of our first born but keeping busy will keep me from completely breaking down and I will remember that Calvin is safe in the arms of God. He is SO much better off then we are. I thank God that I know that he is with Him and that He has given me the strength to know that he is better off with Him then with us. I know that is not me FOR SURE giving myself that strength.

I will never forget the love that was poured out to us in the 4 months before Calvin was born and after his birth. I have never felt the power of prayer as much as I did those almost 24 hours of Calvin's labor. Thank you Lord for the love that you have shown us and the trial that we had to go through. Thank you for the people you have placed in our lives. I am so thankful that we have you to rely on so we do not have to rely on ourselves. 

Job 1:21 ...the Lord gives and the Lord takes away, blessed be the name of the Lord!