As we are coming closer to the 15th I cannot believe that it has been a month that Calvin has been gone. It is sad that life has to move on. I really miss my little boy. Our friends just had a miscarriage last week and when I found out I was heartbroken and as I continued to think and pray for them I had the thought that their little one got to meet Calvin and that put a smile on my face, and I was a little jealous. I'm not saying that losing a child is easy but it gives you comfort knowing that they are with the Lord.
I can't stop thinking what life would be like if we still had Calvin. What would I be doing everyday? It is just hard seeing that Josh is back to work and I will be back at work soon. It's hard knowing that life has to move on. I pray that God will bless us with another child but it just won't be my Calvin. I am forever changed.
I have been getting pictures together for my scrapbook and I tell Josh every time I look at them that I just want to pinch his cheeks. I miss that feeling of him in my arms. I almost forget what it feels like holding him and I don't like that. It is a good feeling though that God is wrapping His arms around me each and every day that i am down. What great joy that we are able to lean on Him during these difficult times.
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