new life

Calvin Matthew was born into glory on October 15, 2009 at 6:52 am. He weighed 5 lbs 11 oz and was 19 in. What a blessing our sweet boy is.



My life will never be the same. I knew that in May when we found out Calvin had Trisomy 18 but now i am realizing it more and more. How wonderful it is to know that calvin is safe in the arms of God right now. My selfishness just wants him in my arms. it was so hard coming home without him on Thursday night. As i was trying to sleep i would close my eyes and just see Calvin laying in the bassinet at the hospital with the most peaceful face--if he could have talked to me i think he would have said "mommy I'm safe with God forever." It is so great to know that we can put all our trust in the Lord and He will get us through the day and days to come.

When we came home on Thursday Josh just kept repeating to me Psalm 37:7 "Be Still and know that I am God." What a wonderful truth that really is.

thoughts

40 weeks


As I sit here this morning and just think back on my pregnancy I get overwhelmed. What a blessing God has given Josh and I that we would be able to carry our sweet Calvin for over 40 weeks now. It is hard to think that at any moment our sweet son could be gone, but I continue to think of Prov 3:5 Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. It is a wonderful thought that Calvin will be safe in the arms of God and we can definitely trust in that.

I just finish reading a book by John MacArthur called “Safe in the arms of God.” As I was reading the book I found a few quotes that have really encouraged me, here are is one of them
“The decision about whether a baby lives or dies is God’s decision. He allows conception. He allows birth. He also allows death at birth. He allows what is in keeping with His purposes. No death or life occurs apart from the purposes of God.
God is actively involved in every feature of every life, including whether a child is born or dies in the womb, and whether a child lives past birth or dies at birth.”

Calvin having trisomy 18 was God’s plan and we may never understand why he chose him, but we can trust in his plan and know that Calvin will have a much better life in heaven then he ever could here on earth. “Your child who has died did not lose his life, but rather, your child has gained eternal life.”

pictures

so we had some belly pictures taken a couple weeks ago and chirstina posted some of them on her blog yesterday!! they turned out great and we are so happy to have pictures to cherish forever.

http://gracedesignsphotography.blogspot.com

long needed update

i haven't been very good at updating, it has been hard to think about doing it. we got the results of the amnio which came back positive. we were expecting that so from then on we have taken each day that goes by as a blessing that God has given us this pregnancy. we find joy in every kick that we feel and i'm so thankful that josh has been able to feel him many times! i'm not going to lie and say that every day since then has been good--we take it day by day thanking God for that day and also sharing some (well a lot) of tears. i often think God does not give us more then we can handle and i'm amazed at the strength He has given josh and i during this time. what an amazing God we serve!

tests

12 weeks21 weeks

i finally got a couple pictures up. as you all know at our 20 week ultrasound we found out that calvin has a cleft lip and they were sending us to a specialist. when we met with the specialist he found some other things that weren't the best. he said that calvin may have trisomy 18. the doctor said that with trisomy it is fatel--that was really hard to hear. he gave us the option of doing and amniocentesis which we did end up doing yesterday. with the amnio it will tell us if calvin has trisomy for sure and if he doesn't then it will help us know what is best for him during delivery etc with his heart problem.

we have been so encouraged by everyone's cards, emails, calls and text messages during this time. we are so blessed to have such wonderful family, friends, and church family around us giving us support during this difficult time. please continue to pray for our little calvin as we are waiting for the results, and for josh and i to just trust in the Lord and His plan for our family.

it's a....

BOY!!!!!!!!

his name is calvin branch. middle name will come someday! we are so happy and blessed to have this little one coming in 4 and a half months! what a special little blessing God has given us.

i'm trying

so i worked on a post the other night it had pictures and everything(exciting i know) i hit publish post and then i asked myself where did it go??? it does not show up and i am angry. we go to the doctor tomorrow to find out boy or girl!!! i will be trying to post more pictures after the appointment.